I announced on New Year's Day that my resolution for this year was simple.
More happiness, more fun, more laughing, more
time with friends, more pictures, more reading, more writing, more
snuggles with my kiddo, more singing along with the radio at the top of my lungs... just more.
Ha! The only thing I seem to be doing more of the past couple of days is cry.
I was doing good. I had a stretch of a couple days where no tears were shed at all. And then, I don't know what happened. Each day I cry a little more than the one before. I'm going backwards here.
It's not like I'm sitting there dwelling on him or the situation. I'm going on with my life, moving forward. But out of nowhere, something will happen to trigger the damn tears... seeing someone/something, hearing a song, coming across a quote, driving past certain locations, seeing any reminder of her (doesn't help that her home is on my route to and from freaking work. Ugh!). The odd, random things that have been associated with him are ridiculous. So if I break down crying for seemingly no reason, it's his fault.
I don't know what would happen if I were to accidentally run into either one of them somewhere.
That thought popped into my head the other day while picking up my meds for the pleurisy from Walmart.
I am trying to be patient, waiting for the tears to turn into more of the good things in life once again. Waiting for the time when I only cry happy tears. Just waiting....
And in the meantime, I am falling apart more and more.