Trying not to think about the tickets I purchased for today.
Trying not to think about the cake I would have made.
Trying not to think about the gag gifts I had planned since he was dreading the big 3-0.
Trying not to think about how I would have stayed up til all hours of the night, just to see him and wish him Happy Birthday in person.
Trying not to think about how he probably wouldn't have shown up.
Trying not to think about the tears that have been stinging my eyes all morning.
Trying not to think how I have spent all morning thinking about him and his day, but yet he couldn't seem to ever remember when mine was. Because I didn't matter to him.
Trying not to think about him because he sure as hell hasn't given a second thought about me or what he did.
Trying not to think.
And failing.
Weak day.
Blah.
Something tells me that he is not having that great a birthday. I just have this feeling.
ReplyDeleteBecause if he's still thinking the same way he was last time we talked. . he's sitting there bawling his eyes out about being 30 and not being married or having his own kids. He's miserable about that.
Just think of it that way. I am :)
I know he was dreading this birthday, and he's talked with me about how much he wants to be married and have a family and kids of his own. But I just don't understand why he chose to throw it away for someone he can't have that with, especially when he could have had all that with me. If he's miserable about today, he brought it all on himself.
DeleteTomorrow is a new day; today's just been a rough one for me.
He said the same stuff to me. Bawled one day so hard that I could hardly understand what he was even saying. I had to tell him to calm down just so I could have the conversation with him.
DeleteHe's definitely miserable today. I know it. And he should be. He did bring it on himself.